Dream a Little Dream
by GoingThroughChanges
Summary: Allen loves Lavi. Lavi loves Allen but has not realized that he can not live without Allen and whether he is to pursue his love. However Allen can't wait forever and leaves Lavi in a sudden crisis of emotion. Lavi has to decide if he want to fight for Allen...and wrestle with the possibility that Allen might move on. Comment please: : that would mean a lot to me: :
1. Chapter 1

_**Dream a Little Dream**_

_**By: Goingthroughchanges**_

_**A/N**_

_**So this is me goingthroughchanges:D i don't own man unfortunately im not that ingeniousXD but this is centered around Lavi and Allen so please enjoy. Oh and btw it is Yaoi if you guys don't know...but please comment and enjoy:) :) **_

* * *

_**Part One **_

His last outtake of breath hung in the balance for several precious seconds before disappearing into the clouded grey sky. He watched it go with eyes that flickered with laughter and a hint of remorse. I wondered why he looked so sad. He was so beautiful with his flaming orange hair and a crooked smile that made you think you were in on an inside joke. Even his eye patch was something that only added to his character. Lavi, was by far the greatest guy I had ever known. He suddenly turned to me his lips drawn up into a playful smile.

"Hey Allen race you home."

Before I could even respond he was off running, howling and jumping up to the point his fingers nearly touched the sky.

"Hey! No fair!" I cried as I took off after him.

He only turned to laugh and the sound spiraled delightfully to the heavens where God was able to hear the beautiful music. I wanted it all for myself, because what was more special then hearing Lavi's laughter crash through your brain. But…when I looked up all I could see was Lavi's back racing away from me and I couldn't help but wonder…if I would ever catch up.

I finally reached home out of breath and ready to pass out on the floor from exhaustion.

"Allen come on get out of the way you're blocking the doorway." Lavi said.

He smacked me playfully on the head before jogging to the kitchen. He of course dumped his school bag wherever he pleased and his shoes were kicked off at opposite sides of the room. I inwardly groaned; it was only the beginning of the cleanup I would have to partake in.

"I'll make some food okay Allen?" Lavi called amid the sound of pans dropping, and dishes clattering.

"Okay." I called back.

I looked around the small foyer of our home and set my school bag down next to the door before going over to pick up Lavi's discarded school bag. I carefully picked it up and with a small smile and dusted off the corners. I examined my work then placed it next to mine at the door.

"WOAH!" Lavi cried.

The exclamation of his surprise was soon followed by the exploding sound of pots and pans. I quickly ran to the kitchen to find a pan on Lavi's head and flour was strewn across the floor like a thin layer of snow. I couldn't hold back the laughter that bubbled in my throat and exploded into the air. Lavi scowled and lifted the pan so he could see my face.

"It's not funny." He mumbled pouting cutely.

"Your right sorry, sorry." I said as I leaned down to help him off the floor.

However I still couldn't stop the laughter that was insistent on being known. Lavi scowled again and turned away from my laughter.

"Oh come on Lavi you have to admit it is funny." I said trying to coax at least a smile out of him.

He remained turned away from me and soon my laughter died on my lips. All that filled the room now was silence.

"Lavi?" I asked tentatively.

I reached out my hand to touch his shoulder but what ended up happening was something I didn't expect. I ended up on the floor amidst the pile of flour. Lavi had successfully turned around and tackled me to the ground getting my school uniform caked with the white flour. He smiled down at me in his usual joking manner and said "Gotcha."

I pouted as I tried to push Lavi off me but he didn't budge.

"Get off me you're heavy!" I whined hitting at his hands that were keeping me trapped where I was.

Lavi's once playful expression suddenly turned serious and his green eyes captivated me with their intensity. He leaned closer until I could feel his warmth breath brush my skin, then closer still until I could almost feel the softness of his lips. I closed my eyes awaiting the angel soft touch that would come next. It never came and when I slowly opened my eyes again Lavi was across the room his face in his hands.

"Lavi?" I whispered.

I felt a pain in my chest when he didn't answer and even more so when he looked at me with pained eyes.

"I should clean this up…Allen you should probably change your clothes." He said.

Without another word he walked out of the room leaving me alone in the artificial snow. The only reminder of what took place his imprints on the floor.

* * *

Lavi sat across from me his eyes never leaving the book he was reading. I was supposed to be working on my homework but I couldn't bring myself to concentrate. Images of what happened earlier made it impossible to think about anything other than the warmth of Lavi's breath and the close proximity we shared for those electrifying few moments. Those few moments that I wished had been prolonged for days; possibly even centuries. However the possibility that it was a mistake was too much to ignore. It was possible Lavi was just playing around and what meant something to me meant absolutely nothing to him. Lavi suddenly looked up and met my gaze with puzzled eyes.

"Do you need something Allen?" He asked.

I started and quickly shook my head while waving my arms frantically. Lavi smiled and slowly closed his book.

"Are you sure there is nothing?" He asked.

His smile was intoxicating and his eyes held an inkling of the intensity that I had seen moments before.

"I-I-I…I just wanted to know…" I stopped, twiddling with my fingers before beginning again. "I was just wondering about before…" My sentence trailed off and I peeked up at Lavi to read his expression and immediately wished I hadn't. His expression was blank and his fingers curled around his closed book until they turned white. I gulped and quickly stood. I grabbed all my books and pencils and ran to the stairs.

At the top I called down "Just forget I mentioned it Lavi."

I ran into my room and shut the door. His expression had destroyed any confidence I had in our shared moment actually being something more than an illusion of interest. I wished it was something more but I couldn't bring myself to believe that anymore. I sunk to the floor and buried my head in my hands. Tears trickled through the cracks in my fingers and sobs shook my back. If I had known it would hurt this much to love Lavi I wouldn't have fallen for him in the first place.

* * *

Morning sunlight flittered through my curtains alerting me to yet another new day. I slowly opened my eyes and rubbed them sleepily before stretching.

"Morning already." I mumbled to myself.

"Allen! Hurry up we are going to be late!" Lavi called up the stairs.

His voice startled me and the memories of last night assaulted me with harsh emotions. I gripped my chest and doubled over my knees in attempts to hold in the pain.

"Allen!" Lavi called again sending another sharp bout of pain.

"Allen! Allen!"

"STOP!" I suddenly screamed startling myself and silencing Lavi.

Nothing could be heard for several moments other than my harsh breathing then Lavi's heavy footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. He burst through the door his face set in an expression of anger.

"What's wrong with you Allen?" He hissed.

I didn't dare look at him and instead buried my face into my knees.

"Just leave me alone Lavi." I whispered.

"No! Why would I leave you when you're obviously in so much pain?!" He yelled.

He ran to my side and put his arms around my hunched frame.

"Allen tell me what's wrong." He whispered into my hair.

I couldn't take it, his warm breath on my hair, his strong arms wrapped around me. I couldn't take it anymore.

"JUST LEAVE!" I shouted pushing him away from me.

He stared at me his eyes wide with shock.

"Allen…what's wrong?" He said his voice wavering.

I shook my head vigorously as I felt the tears roll down my cheeks in rapid torrents.

"I can't take this anymore! Lavi I love you! That's what is wrong with me! I love you so much I can't take it!" I shouted and the tears still came.

Lavi stared at me his mouth opening and closing as words formed in his heart and his mind discarded them. Finally he just got up and left closing the door silently behind him. I didn't know what I expected but I did not expect him to leave and the tears still came. Down my cheeks staining my skin and tearing my soul.

I stared up at the house that I had been living in with Lavi for as long as I could remember and gave a tired sigh. It was time that I left and found my own way in life. Loving Lavi was too much and I didn't think I could survive another day with him without breaking. I left a note…hoping he would somehow understand. And if he couldn't understand I hoped he would let me go and not look for me at least because I knew if he found me and asked for me to come back I would go.

"Bye Lavi." I whispered.

As I walked away my farewell danced upon the night breeze then…faded into nothing.

* * *

**A/N **

**it's me goingthroughchanges for all of you who are new to me i write mostly naruto fan fiction so this is my first time branching out so be kind to me hahaXD and all of you who have read my other stories and know that i have Naruto fan fiction i have not finished writing i apologize! i am in the process of writing the next chapter i actually just got out of a writers block:o i know i hate those and they hit me quite frequently so please be patient with me:3 anywho i hope you guys liked this chapter and i hope you guys comment because that would mean so much to me since i don't get many hahaXD but yeah please comment and i will thank you and i will reply as well:D so yeah that would be great! anywho i hope to hear from you guys soon:D 'till next time;)**

**~goingthroughchanges**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Part Two**_

* * *

_**A/N **_

_**well hello everyone:D it is goingthroughchanges here again:D this note it just to say that this is now in Lavi's point of view. It will be switching back and forth between Lavi and Allen but don't worry i will tell you who's who so you don't get confused:) well please enjoy and don't forget to comment:D AND! i would like to thank my very first commenter MercaneryCrime:D wooh! you are awesome!:D Thank you! i deem you my favorite! hahaXD but anywho don't be afraid to comment because i LOVE all my commenters lol but anywho enough of my babbling enjoy the second chapter of Dream a Little Dream:) :) **_

* * *

I felt the emptiness crawl under my skin the moment I walked through the door. Then I felt was the silence that seemed to manifest into hands and wrap around my neck keeping the words I wanted to say in my throat. Finally panic fell upon me like a smothering wool blanket; choking the air from my lungs. I didn't dare think of Allen and release the panic that was coursing through my blue veins. But I thought of him all the same. His hunched figure and the way he screamed he loved me while tears were spilling down his cheeks. I couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Allen!" I yelled.

I threw my school bag and tore my shoes off as I ran toward the stairs. He couldn't have left. Allen wouldn't do that.

He couldn't…he loved me.

I took the stairs three at a time nearly tripping and falling to my knees several times. The door to his room was shut and I felt a tiny pin prick of hope. I slowed down and stopped in front of his door. I breathed in then knocked on the door.

"Allen are you in there?" I called.

He didn't answer and I felt the hope die in the withering silence.

"Allen please answer me." I whispered.

Only silence greeted my plea and I felt my hands begin to shake. A painful lump formed in my throat as my hand hovered over the door knob.

I couldn't look.

I didn't dare.

But at the same time I couldn't wake up in the morning and know that he had not been sleeping in the room right next to me…like always. I squeezed my eyes shut and slowly turned the knob. It took me a while to open my eyes again but when I did I wish I had never opened the door.

I noticed the pictures of Allen and I on his desk were turned down so that our smiling faces were hidden from the world. I felt the pain but I forced myself to take the steps it took to enter his room. I took in a staggering breath then slowly turned so I was facing his closet. In my gut I knew what I would find.

I felt my heart crumbling.

I knew I just might die from the pain.

But I also knew that I would never really know until I opened the door. I took steps forward but I felt my legs shaking under me and soon they gave out from under me. I fell in front of the closet my hands grabbling at the smooth wood.

"Please no." I whispered.

I closed my eyes again and I slowly opened the door. Again my eyes opened and the whole entire closet stared back at me…empty. A pain filled wail escaped from my lips as I struggled with the pain that was tearing through my body.

"No. It can't be." I sobbed.

"It just can't be!" I screamed.

I slammed my fists on the ground as the force of my sobs shook my back. I wasn't going to let this happen. I wasn't going to let him go without telling him what I couldn't tell him when he confessed to me. I staggered to my feet and rushed down the stairs. However I tripped on the last step and crashed to the ground. My mind went blank for several seconds as I stared dumb founded at the ceiling as I registered what had happened to me. I lay there for a while staring up at the ceiling, letting the world spin while I tried to piece the pieces of my soul back together.

"Get up." I ordered myself after several long moments.

My body didn't respond, it wanted to stay on the ground where I didn't have to do or feel anything.

"Get up!" I roared.

This time I was up on my feet racing out the door not even bothering to put on my shoes. I raced down the streets screaming Allen's name until my voice was hoarse. Panic made it hard to breathe and I constantly had to stop to catch my breath. But I continued to search until I came to the little Café Allen worked at on Saturdays and Sundays. I stared up at the shops blinking 'Open' sign and thought of all the cakes that Allen had brought home for me to eat. He would always bring the white cake with the flowers on top and the heart in the middle. One time I asked him about the heart and he flushed a deep crimson.

He said _**'Well the cake is just made like that Lavi it doesn't really mean anything if that's what you're asking.'**_

I remembered laughing and ruffling his hair at his blatant embarrassment. I remembered thinking he was so cute. I remembered thinking I knew he would never get a cake with a heart in the middle for anyone but me. I took in a deep breath, ignoring the aching in my chest and walked into the cafe. The shop owner Komui looked up and called a cheerful greeting. However he soon took in my appearance and frowned in concern.

"Allen. Have you heard from Allen?" I choked out.

Komui looked at me and shook his head.

"I thought you knew Lavi…Allen quite this morning saying he wanted to spend more time pursuing his studies…" He trailed off then added "I suppose that is not the case."

I fell to my knees and clutched my arms close to my body to hold in my breaking heart. Tears fell down my cheeks and sobs painfully tore themselves from my throat. I could vaguely hear Komui calling my name and a distant sound that sounded like someone was dying.

I was dying; I could feel my heart just begging to give out and stop. I needed it to stop so the pain would go away.

Allen left me.

He packed his bags, quite his job and flew off to god knew where.

I didn't know where.

I wish I did but I didn't.

The last thing I remembered was Komui picking me up from the floor then everything went black.

* * *

I awoke in my bed with the sun's beautiful iridescent rays sprinkling across my ashen face. For a beautiful second I didn't feel anything but the serene tranquility morning brought. However the moment was too short and all too soon I felt the memories crash back into my conscious. My hand flew to my chest and I pulled my knees to my chest to lock in the pain. I stuck my fist in my mouth to keep in the gut wrenching screams that were begging for released. The door opened and I heard someone take in a sharp, panicked breath.

"Lavi?! Are you okay?!" Komui yelled as he rushed to my side with a cup of tea.

I shook my head but did not have any strength to do much else. Komui gently reached out and brushed the hair away from my face.

"Lavi I brought you some tea. You should drink it…something warm might make you feel better." He said softly.

I slowly came out of my fettle position and with shaking hands took the mug in my hands.

"Thank you." I said hoarsely.

Komui smiled and sat back on the floor.

"You are welcome." He said.

I sipped the warm sweet tea and breathed in the warm vapors. He was right the tea did make everything seem a little better.

"Lavi…I don't know if I should…tell you this…" Komui began his face drawn into an expression of conflict.

I lowered my mug of tea and stared at him waiting for him to continue. He sighed and ran his hand through his long silk black hair. For a long while he didn't say anything but I patiently waited a feeling of dread building in my stomach.

"Allen left a note." He finally said letting out a long breath.

I stiffened and waited for what he would say next.

"It's on the table. You should read it if you want to."

I slowly set my tea on the night stand and stood. Komui watched me anxiously as I wobbled to the door then out into the hallway. He silently followed watching my still back. Down the stairs I went and with steady feet I reached the table. I saw the white paper staring back at me with Allen's familiar script and nearly lost my will to read what he had to say. But all the same I reached out to the paper and brought it into my hands and began to read.

_Dear Lavi, _

_I don't know how to say this when it's not something I want to say but have to say. I have been in love with you since the moment I laid eyes on you. The way you smiled and laughed like there was no care in the world…you always made me feel like everything you did was especially for me. Even though I knew it was never true I began to think that I was truly someone special to you. Someone you loved. Sometimes you would hold my hand and even sometimes you looked like you might kiss me. But I…learned that it was never the case. That I was just reading too far into things and covering the truth with my wishes. I have loved you so much Lavi. I have suffered so much. I have cried so much because of it. But I still love you and probably never will stop loving you. But I want you to promise me Lavi, don't come after me. Don't try to find me. Even though I know you will I'm still pleading with you to not do this to me or yourself. But if you must see me…come in ten years. If you live in the same house…are still in love with me I will send you the address…and you can come. But I hope by then Lavi you will have found someone to love...because though I love you Lavi it's too painful. Think about what I said Lavi and find someone that you won't be afraid to love. _

_Love, _

_Allen_

I read the letter over and over again imprinting the words in my mind so that I would never forget them. All I had to do was wait ten years. Ten years until I could tell Allen what I wish I could have told him. I pressed the letter to my chest and closed my eyes. No matter how long I had to wait I would so that one day I could see Allen again and tell him that I wasn't afraid to love.

I wasn't afraid to love him.

* * *

**A/N **

**OMG! Lavi totally missed the point of the letter but oh wellz:P anyway i hope you guys liked that chapter:D I know it took too long as always but i try so be patient with me:P I love writing and i get the most writers block smh...but anywho! i hope you guys liked it and i hope you comment:D i want to hear from all you guys:) i really do:) and again thanks to MercenaryCrime for commenting! You are awesome!:D okay 'till next time:3 **

**~goingthroughchanges**


End file.
